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Post by The Writer on Dec 25, 2021 20:47:12 GMT
marriage in the regency erainformation regarding marriages during the 19th century Below contains information regarding romantic relationships that occurred during the Regency Era. The mindset of those at this time was very particular and we hope the information provided in this thread helps to give some insight into expectations and these mindsets as well as roles in society. As we are a role play set in the earlier part of the 19th century, we do ask that members keep to this standards and any deviation from it must be discussed with staff, or done in the AU board. click the title to be linked to information about that topic COURTSHIP ; finding a suitable match ENGAGEMENT ; what comes next WEDDING ; happily ever after?
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Administrator
"All is fair in love and war,
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wonder if the price we pay
is ever worth the fight."
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Post by The Writer on Dec 25, 2021 20:47:49 GMT
courtshipfinding a suitable match - marriage was more or less seen as a business contract between families, not a romantic attachment. Although the 19th century brought with it a higher frequency of love matches, it was not the expectation nor as common as more arranged marriages. It was therefore vital that both families approve of the courtship when presented.
- those 21 and under required parental consent/permission to marry. Couples who did not receive their parent's permission had the option of elopement to Gretna Green, however it came with it severe consequences upon their return.
- arranged marriage lingered longest among the upper classes, who had the most at stake with respect to money, property and rank in society. Within this group, it was assumed a young woman would learn to love, or at least tolerate, the husband chosen by her father, since it was considered that he was the best suited to make such a decision for her. The more money and property one had, the greater the burden to make a ‘convenient’ match.
- eldest sons who were set to inherit family lands and fortunes, and most likely to provide for his family, were subject to more parental sanctions than younger siblings and thus, faced with higher pressures and expectations to marry for reasons beyond love and rather, a woman with more appropriate assets.
- a young lady of a great family might decide to sacrifice herself on the altar for family duty to help pay off family debts (gambling or otherwise) or establish favorable connections.
- Young women with unmarried sisters or mothers who anticipated an impoverished widowhood might also encounter greater amounts of parental intrusion in their marital choices.
- If a young man’s family was facing financial ruin or hardship, it was his duty to marry money no matter how unattractive or opposed he was to it.
- it was considered a woman's duty to marry and to find a sensible match with criteria that had three main qualities: connections, cash and compatibility. Marriageable women were also expected to be accomplished, displaying skills designed to show off their femininity, virtue and domestic talents. Examples of such prized accomplishments included the ability to sing or play an instrument, to dance and converse well, etc. These accomplishments signaled education and self improvement.
- people were expected to court and eventually marry within their class; unequal matches in rank or fortunate did not often prove to be happy ones. This is due to the rigid class prejudice of the time. It was easier to marry someone from a similar background. Those who did not faced severe criticism, shame and were even shunned if they married beneath them. It also would effect the family's prospects, should one of the sons or daughters marry beneath their rank; their siblings would be subject to the same negative scrutiny and face intense challenges when searching for a spouse as it could taint the entire family name. This is particularly the case with nobles and royals marrying beneath their class as it was regarded by some as betrayal, as well as threatened the rigid structure of society.
- people who were born into the higher classes regarded themselves as more established and important than people who had only recently become wealthy. Running a business and being 'in trade' was thought of as earning new money in contrast to being rich with old money from property that had been within their family for a long time. It was therefore considered of great importance that those of higher class, married within their rank or above.
- there is minimal flexibility within these constraints. A wealthy man (middle class, extremely low ranking noble, etc) might be excused for marrying a poorer woman, particularly if she was attractive and well mannered. However, a wealthy woman would be thought to have thrown herself away by marrying a man of lesser means. A plain girl with little fortune was considered the least desirable. Other exceptions within the ranks could include: a middle class member marrying a lower class or a royal marrying a noble.
- showing too much passion for one's intended was considered in poor taste; a marriage decision based on only passion was not expected to be a correct one. Young individuals were advised to pursue friendship and domestic compatibility instead.
- while it is expected for woman to remain virtuous until they are married, premarital sex was not illegal. It did however on occasion, result in forced marriages should this be discovered. There was also the Bastardy Act of 1733, in which single, pregnant woman had to identify the man who had impregnated them. Unmarried mothers had very few options, especially as society made them feel shame for their situation. Many women under these circumstances would leave their children at London's Foundling Hospital which took in children who could not be supported by their parent.
- london's Social Season of exclusive parties and balls was an exercise in "controlling the pool of suitors." Elite young men and women could dance and flirt, safe in the knowledge they were meeting suitable potential spouses.
- the Marriage Act allowed for courtship among cousins, as well as extended relatives. It was not however, permitted to marry your siblings, or in-laws; for instance, a widow marrying her deceased husband's brother, or a widower marrying his deceased wife's sister.
- respectable ladies could not be alone with gentlemen. Unmarried men and women had to adhere to strict rules that governed their behavior with one another. This involved the following: couples should not converse privately, be alone in a room, travel unchaperoned in a carriage or call one another by their Christian names; these were not permissible prior to an engagement between couples. A chaperone always had to be present as it was meant to protect a young lady's virtue and reputation and could be regarded incredibly scandalous, subject to damaging gossip, scathing letters and scandal sheets if a woman was caught otherwise. In some occasions, it forced the couple into a marriage to avoid the previously stated repercussions.
- typically the first time the couple are alone together is for the proposal.
- the exchange of letters typically reflected a serious stage in courtship among the couple and in some cases, were only exchanged during the engagement period. They used letters to express their emotions, get to know one another, and declare their intentions as well as share visions for the future. Men strove to impress their would be wives through etiquette which stated that courtship correspondence should be tasteful.
- a gentleman and lady were only permitted to dance two sets together (a set consisted of 2 dances and approximately 15 minute durations) otherwise they would be considered engaged by society.
- elite members in the ton watched one another's courtships with great interest. When a couple was officially courting, it was understood to be a public acknowledgement of their intentions.
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Post by The Writer on Dec 25, 2021 20:48:11 GMT
engagementwhat comes next - only when couples are engaged, are they permitted to call each other by their first name when out of the public eye. To refer to someone by their first name was an intimate privilege for family members or the closest of friends.
- engagement rings were not necessarily given as a symbol of the lady's acceptance when being proposed to. A woman's power of refusal was her only control in the situation, though very rarely did a woman refuse the proposal.
- occasionally a woman would break the engagement, but it was frowned upon for a gentleman to break the engagement.
- once the proposal was made, the next step was for the male to acquaint the parent or guardians of the lady with the his intentions, and at the same time, stating his circumstances and what settlement he would make upon his future wife; on the other side, they must state what will be her fortune.
- once the woman accepts the proposal, and once the bride's father approves, the marriage articles are drawn up. The contract defined the distribution of wealth and property in the marriage and what would happen to the wife and children if the husband met an early death. A jointure, which became part of these documents, stated that the wife would receive a guaranteed portion of her husband's property upon his death (typically one third). The negotiations regarding dowries could be a tiresome and tedious affair, depending on the circumstances.
- women of the wealthier classes generally brought a generous dowry to the settlement; the financial arrangements for a marriage were rarely a matter of concealment. Men often used their wives' dowries to shore up their estates and investments. If a woman did not have a decent dowry (such as money, property and land), male suitors from good families were likely to be scarce.
- if an engaged person terminated the agreement before the marriage, he/she could face legal action in a 'breach of promise' suit.
- the Marriage Act required all weddings in England to go through the Church of England, and proclamation of the marriage three Sundays in a row before the ceremony could happen. It announced the event to the congregation and invited parental and other objections, particularly for minors. This was initially enforced as law in attempt to curb secret marriages and bigamy.
- the above was stated: Calling of the Banns. If marrying in the Church of England, the couple would "publish the banns". Local clergy would announce the upcoming wedding for three consecutive Sundays. If the bride and groom lived in different parishes, it would be done in both locations. If there were no objections to their joining, the couple could marry within 90 days of the final call. This was the method that poorer families used for it did not cost anything to have the banns called. There was however the risk that an objection could be lodged in a very public manner.
- to purchase a common/ordinary license, it cost about 10 shillings. A couple could purchase this license from a clergyman. Then the couple marry in either the parish of the bride or the groom. This common/ordinary license was good for 15 days. One had to be a resident in the parish for 15 days prior to the ceremony. This common license could be obtained from any bishop or archbishop. A sworn statement was given that there were no impediments to the marriage. The marriage was to take place within three months of the date the license was issued.
- a special license was the most expensive way to marry and could only be purchased from the Archbishop. This license cost between 4-5 pounds and was at the Archbishop's discretion. With a special license, a couple could marry in any parish at any time. The only one who can influence this should the Archbishop deny the request for this license, is a member of the royal family.
- as stated earlier, couples who wished for early marriage or did not have the consent of their parents, could go to Gretna Green though were faced with severe consequences upon their return as eloping brought the family shame and was considered to be a very anti-social act.
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Post by The Writer on Dec 25, 2021 20:48:32 GMT
weddinghappily ever after? - weddings occurred only during canonical hours, between 8 AM and noon and mostly in church. Normally, only close family friends would attend the wedding. For those who could afford to pay bellringers, the church bells would ring out after the ceremony; additionally the bride might be saluted. It was also considered a good omen if the sun shines on a couple coming out of the church after having been married.
- After the ceremony, the couple and their guests attended a wedding breakfast or a dinner and supper later in the day. They would celebrate the occasion together with dancing and sometimes sports.
- it was rare for guests to travel any distance and nearly all weddings were low-key affairs. It was fashionable for brides and sometimes bridesmaids to wear white, but most brides simply wore their Sunday best.
- 'smock weddings' (often involving widows) were more modest because the bride only wore a shift/chemise in the belief that her new husband would not be liable for her deceased husband's debts.
- honeymooning in foreign areas was out of the question for most newly weds and quite rare. They would have a honeymoon period which was often in the husband's residence, however travel outside of the region was not the norm.
- the main purpose of marriage was children. Upper-class men required male heirs to continue the family name and fortune, while working class couples wanted children to contribute towards the family income and for support later in life. For a man seeking a wife, it would make sense for him to marry a young widow with children since it indicated that she was fertile.
- too many children could be a burden, however it was difficult to restrict the number of pregnancies as reliable contraceptives were unknown. Condoms were used mainly with prostitutes to avoid disease.
- large families were generally thought a blessing, though, not least because of the greater chance of some children being spared during epidemics.
- one of the biggest threats to a long marriage was a wife dying in childbirth. Many women had a succession of pregnancies and were in this state for much of their married lives. For upper-class women this was merely an inconvenience, but poor women were forced to work right up until the birth of their baby. Most women gave birth at home, and although the dangers of childbirth affected all classes, the poor tended to have “very ignorant midwives, some of them much worse than none at all". Some poor women were admitted to lying-in hospitals, which put them at greater risk of infections.
- the options for those trapped in an unhappy marriage were limited, especially for women who risked losing their wealth and children (since they belonged to the husband).
- a private act of parliament was needed for any divorce, something beyond the reach of most people. Warring couples might choose to separate and drew up legal documents acknowledging this, but they could not remarry.
- lower classes could resort to the ritual sale of wives in the marketplace, which they treated as an acceptable form of divorce; the woman was invariably led to market with a halter tied round her neck.
- with divorce being virtually unavailable, most unhappy marriages had only one escape: if the husband or wife died.
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