Heart to Heart

[Violet Bridgerton]

tagged @eloisebridgerton notes ahhhh!

The party was winding down, many taking their leave before the hour got too late. The ball had been far from the success that she had hoped it would be. Eloise had been dodging her attempts to find her a suitable match since she made her debut. It wasn't altogether unexpected, but Violet had assumed her daughter might be willing to at least give things a chance, after all she might find she enjoyed it once she got going. Perhaps she should not have pushed her daughter to dance with Lord Morrison. But she had assumed they might have a fair bit to talk about. They both shared a rebellious spirit; she had thought they may have other similarities, that Eloise might even like the man if she gave him the chance to speak. She had gotten that wrong too, she supposed. Eloise had refused to stay on the dance floor long enough to finish the dance. Eloise was just so different from Daphne, whose first social season seemed so easy looking back on things.  Violet had considered chasing after her daughter once she'd fled to her room but had opted to give her time to cool off. Calm down away from the stressful atmosphere that had evoked such a passionate reaction from the girl. It was now time for her to put things right. Heading upstairs, she came to Eloise's door and gave a gentle knock. After several moments without a reply, she entered. "Dearest" she lingered by the door, closing it behind her but not moving further into the room. "I would like very much for us to talk; may I sit with you a while?" there was so much that she needed to say, if Eloise would only listen.

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eloise & violet.

During Daphne's season, she'd been so sure that the perfection her elder sister possessed was a blessing in disguise. The first born daughter was perfect, the second didn't have to be. Perhaps she'd been wrong about that. Rather than alleviating pressure, it seemed to only have created more. Daphne had managed to find a Duke in her first season, so of course it was assumed that each of her sisters would find suitable matches in no time at all.

It was clear her mama was trying. She'd invited Lord Morrison thinking that perhaps there was somebody in the ton who could truly challenge and intrigue Eloise; somebody with whom she might find a love match...instead, he'd insulted her, and rubbed salt in the wound. Not only did it prove to her that all upper class men were as bad as each other, it left her feeling as if her family viewed her values as little other than something that might impress the right sort of man.

It was unusual for Eloise to allow herself to cry in public, but she'd reached her breaking point that evening. The tears had been flying long before she'd managed to escape the ballroom, and she'd been too hurt to even allow Penelope to follow her. Now, collapsed on her bed in Aubrey Hall, the tears had hardly stopped. Their country home used to be so full of love and laughter, the place where she had most of her fondest memories of her dear papa. Would she be a disappointment to him too, were he still around to see her now? 

The way in which she sniffled and wiped at her eyes as her mama entered her room was hardly ladylike at all, but that was about the last thing she cared about. Shifting to sit up, she regarded the matriarch with a silent sort of suspicion, unsure if she was there to chastise or comfort. Eloise had, after all, caused a bit of a scene, even if few had been likely to notice. "Of course, mama. I can hardly stop you." It likely wasn't the response she was supposed to give, far more bitter than she should offer her mother, but how much more could she disappoint her, really?

Violet Bridgerton

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[Violet Bridgerton]

source tagged @eloisebridgerton words 343 notes if any

Violet hated to think that any of her children might be suffering. She had always done her best to provide them with a loving home, a listening ear, but with so many children to keep an eye on, there was always the risk that one might slip through the net. She feared that was what had happened with Eloise. Her daughter had always been so outspoken, it was sometimes a cause for great frustration for Violet, after having gone to the effort to make Eloise's debut as perfect as Daphne's had been the previous year. How had she not seen how desperately unhappy Eloise was? She had passed it off as teenage rebellion, a way for her daughter to push back against what was expected of her. The heated words said upon the stairs earlier that night proved that she had been mistaken. Eloise's words stung, though it was the tone itself that was cutting, not the words used. Walking to sit upon the bed where the brunette was lying, still dabbing at her tears.  "I have only ever wanted the best for you" she began, trying to catch her eye despite the animosity her daughter might feel for her in that moment. "But I fear, I never really stopped to consider what you might want" it was difficult for women to deviate from the path expected of them in society. It was expected of them to marry and marry well or else face the potential hardship of life on the outside. The hope was that they would marry for love and experience the joys of sharing a life with someone they truly adored. Daphne had found that with Simon, but Violet should've foreseen it would never be that straight forward with her second daughter. "Please, do not think that you could ever disappoint me" she said, words softly spoken as if afraid of puncturing the relative silence that encapsulated the room. "I have always been proud to call you my daughter, and I'm sorry if you've ever had reason to question that"

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eloise & violet.

Perhaps she was simply destined to disappoint her mama. She was the second born daughter, the fifth born overall — the middle child, the next child down exactly twelve months younger than her, to the day. She was too loud and boisterous to simply get lost in the middle of all the children, but she had always been the most difficult. She wasn’t perfect, wasn’t destined to be the diamond, and always had such different views to the rest of the family. Her mother wished for her children to have good marriages, and Eloise rebelled hardest of them all. Daphne had heeded her wishes, those younger than her were not yet out in society, and the boys were boys. Why wouldn’t she be the disappointment? She was more likely to tread on a gentleman’s toes than to accept his proposal.

There were few things in life that scared Eloise, but many of them linked back to her mother. When she’d been small, her biggest fear had been losing her. If something as small and insignificant as a bee had killed her dear papa, what was stopping something as big and significant as a baby from killing her mother? The screams from the night of Hyacinth’s birth still haunted her nightmares, and she wasn’t sure if they’d ever stop. Regardless of how much her older sister had sang to her, it hadn’t drowned them out. Nothing could have.

Now, her biggest fear was disappointing her. She still feared losing her mama, but there was no need to fear it in the same way anymore. She was more than a decade past having children, with Hyacinth already at the annoying age of eleven. Letting her mama down, however, was still a distinct possibility.

Eloise sniffled, allowing herself to meet her mama’s gaze, watery and puffy as her eyes were. “Papa would be disappointed,” she mumbled, voicing the fear for the first time. He’d always been so eager to share books and stories with her, but he was still a viscount, still likely had high hopes for his children all to marry. It was expected of them all, after all. “I know you all wish for me to marry, mama, and I am not rebelling simply to be different from the rest of the ton. I have met the gentlemen who would have me as their breeding stock — and that is all they want! A mother for their children, and a dowry to line their pockets. I do not wish to spend the rest of my life chained to someone I cannot stand. How could that make anyone happy? You were lucky with papa — but I have hardly seen any gentlemen around the ton who are at all like him.”

Violet Bridgerton

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[Violet Bridgerton]

source tagged @eloisebridgerton words 486 notes somebody sedate me!!

Watching her daughter crying upon her bed was enough to cause her heart to split wide open. She had only ever wanted the best for her children, from the moment that she held them in her arms. She wished for them to know love and happiness, and for the world to be kind to them. But it was clear to her now that the world had not shown her daughter kindness and she had done nothing to shield her from it. Perhaps she had placed too much pressure upon her, upon all of her children. To appear perfect in the eyes of society, and to follow the rules laid out for them, no matter how restrictive they turned out to be. “Papa would be disappointed,” The air felt like it had been knocked from her lungs, and for a moment she could not find words in which to speak. "Why would you say such a thing?" she could barely bring herself to choke the words out, appalled that any of children might feel that way about their father.  It had been a privilege to witness the love which Edmund had for their children. His love for them had been unconditional and had never once wavered. Shaking her head, she blinked back the tears that burned her eyes, wishing not to upset Eloise further by allowing her to believe she had caused her hurt. "Your father loved you; he would hate to hear you speak this way" it was cruel how little time Eloise and the other children had with Edmund, before they lost him. Now the only thing she could do was ensure that they never forget the love their father had for them. "He did not know how to be disappointed in you, how could he? You were his entire world" She did not wish for any of her children to feel pressured into an unhappy marriage to please her, because that would not, please her. The world was not kind to women who refused to marry, she did not want her daughters to be subjected to such a life. On the outside of things, shunned by society, but that did not mean she wanted them married off to men who did not love them, or that they did not love in return. "My dear, I do not wish for you to marry a man for whom you share no affection" actually, she wanted nothing less than for that to be the case. "I want you to experience what your father and I found in each other, the love we had for each other. I want that for you, for all of you" some may find it unrealistic to desire each of her eight children married for love rather than convenience, but surely, she should want the best for them.  If they were not happy, then what was the point in any of it, really?

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eloise & violet.

Though Eloise was seldom one to hold back her feelings, her thoughts, or her words, she wasn't always the most physically affectionate. Words seemed to do enough, for the most part – but tentatively, she reached out a hand to hold one of her mother's. She'd been so desperate to do that when she was small, right after her father had died, and she'd been so scared that mama was going to be next. In the brain of seven year old Eloise, it stood to reason that nothing bad could happen to her mother, so long as she was holding her hand. The night of Hyacinth's birth had almost proved her point...she'd been screaming out in anguish, and nobody would let her get any closer to wrap her little finger's around her mother's hand.

Now, she gave it a squeeze. Disappointing her would be so much worse than being trapped in a loveless marriage, even if her actions didn't suggest as such. Eloise could truly think of little that would be worse than marrying one of the gentlemen she'd met at any of the balls so far that season, but upsetting her mother was up there, was likely the only thing she'd like less. Violet Bridgerton had always been a fair, kind, loving mother; she wasn't like most mamas of the ton, she actually cared about her children and their happiness – Eloise didn't want to let her down, she doubted if any of her siblings did.

Though she stood by everything she'd said and done, stuck with her rebellion and hadn't said a word she didn't mean, perhaps her words to her mama had been harsh. She may have felt like a disappointment, given all of the things she'd done that young ladies supposedly should not, but nothing Violet had done had suggested that she might be. And, despite her fears that her father may have been disappointed too, she could hardly know how he'd feel about her now, at eighteen.

When he passed, she'd only been seven – still small enough for piggyback rides when they'd been walking too long in the grounds of Aubrey Hall, small enough to listen to his stories with wide, eager eyes...young enough to have no clue how he'd react to her as a young adult, though thankfully old enough to still remember him. Gregory and Hyacinth weren't blessed with such memories.

"I am certainly not going to find that with a man like Lord Morrison. He spoke of how little women have in their heads! I do not wish to be chained to someone who views me as a fool –  who views me as a way to have babies and secure a sizable dowry..." Those who cared for anything else were few and far between, from what she'd seen. "I thought I was ready to be out in society, but how can a woman ever be ready for this? Why must these be the expectations placed upon us all? How can I ever make you or papa's memory proud, if all I will ever be is somebody's wife?"

Violet Bridgerton

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