Falling, Flying, and Fears

[authorflies]

    How strange and fast everything was moving. Truth be told, Eloise had been so caught up in trying to figure out whom Whistledown was that she had hardly paid any attention to it all. All that she knew was that dear Daphne was free from the horrid clutches of Nigel Berbrooke and aside from that up until Daphne's wedding she found herself relieved. Truth be told, there was a lot of nerves that filled her system the moment that she was told that their sister would become the newest Duchess of Hastings. Certainly she was proud of her and excited for the joy that she was sure her sister would find in marriage and later motherhood, and certainly the Duke was not the worst of the men that she had heard about, but it was also her sister being married- her sister leaving the house- that meant that it was her sister leaving her out to fend for herself on the marriage market, whether Daphne knew it or not, for the moment that eyes were off of her, it was almost as though every bit of attention was now on her and her entrance to society, all of it happening far too soon, and far too fast. 

    A dramatic and faux exhausted sigh left her mouth as she dropped herself onto the lounging chair in the drawing room, exhaustion in her eyes though she did not let them rest closed for too long before opening up them and grabbing her journal. She did not notice Hyacinth until she was sitting and she did not want to worry her sister, preferring to be the strong one of the family. So, after finishing her page, Eloise started talking. 

    "I just had a fitting with the modiste. The gowns look lovely, but it is strange to picture me in them." She looked up, offering her sister a glance. "It is strange, isn't it? How quick everything is moving?" That, though, was something she was not certain that she wanted to talk about. Not yet at least. So, Eloise cleared her throat. "...What are you working on, sister?" 

Tag : ~lennie1~ 
Note : SORRY THIS TOOK ME A MOMENT BUT!! HERE!! We go! I am so excited!!! And let me know if you want me to change anything. 

[lennie1]

Enough time had not passed since Daphne had married and moved away from their home to Clyvedon. Hyacinth was happy for her sister, and she adored Simon, but it did not mean she missed her sister any less. It just seemed so quick, one moment Daphne had been shutting her bedroom door in Hyacinth's face as she asked questions at million miles an hour and the next moment she was gone. Now, their mother had turned her attentions to the next daughter who would debute into society and Hyacinth was not happy about it at all.

Whenever one of her siblings moved on in their lives, embraced the adulthood which she would not become familiar with in several years, Hyacinth could not help but feel she was losing them. Practically she knew it was a ridiculous thought to even have. Most of the time Hyacinth loved being the youngest in her family. But then she had realized her siblings would continue to leave and find their own families before she had the chance, at least her sisters would. Hyacinth was not sure if it frightened her more to loose all her siblings to future spouses who'd they all prioritize ahead of her, or if she was more scared to be left with her brothers as they attempted to avoid marriage.

But Eloise was right, it was all moving too fast.

As her sister continued her rant about her visit to the modiste Hyacinth pursed her lips. She had been working on her embroidery before Eloise had shown up though since she had began speaking the younger of the two sisters had spent her time Hyacinth had been frozen, holding the needle tightly between her fingers. She wanted to snap at Eloise, tell her she did not care about her visit to the modiste and how it was not strange Eloise would be in a dress - their mother wanted Eloise to enter into society, she would soon be drowning in new gowns if Hyacinth knew Violet Bridgerton.

Forcing a smile Hyacinth finally looked up at Eloise, "nothing," she insisted pointedly. "I'm sure you look absolutely beautiful, Eloise. Mother will find you a suitable husband before the end of the next season as long as she can keep Anthony from chasing every suitor in London away."

tag authorflies .

[authorflies]

    Eloise would have rather been locked in her room writing than go to the modiste. It was not that she didn’t find the dresses that the woman made lovely, she did, and the fabric that was used never failed to be fine, but she was still adjusting to it- dresses that passed her ankles, the idea of men looking at her as not a bother but a wife. It all made her head spin and nerves grow, but there was nothing to be done.


    There was nothing to be done but ramble to her sister who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    Though Hyacinth had yet to speak that feeling out loud, Eloise knew it all too well. She knew the deep fear of being left behind and stuck. In truth it was something that Eloise had yet to fully process. She was scared of change, of being lonely, of watching all of her siblings live and only sitting in regret. Now, though she felt it swimming inside of her stomach, small, something that in her anxiousness and anger about what she was going to face this next season she did not yet wish to acknowledge. For right now she could hide behind her other emotions, focusing on her sister for now and whatever thoughts might be stirring inside of her head.


    “Well I certainly hope that mother does not find me a husband by the end of next season. Let Anthony succeed for a while.” Besides, she had thought that she had heard that Anthony was searching for a wife. That meant that the attention would not at all be on her but on dear Anthony. Everything would be alright. She could just be Eloise Bridgerton for a little while longer. Not a mother. Not a wife. Just… herself. “The dress fitting will be interesting as I will hear more from the modiste and gain information on the Ton which will aid me in my search for Whistledown. And I will certainly look some way in it. That’s all I know.” But still she paused, moving to sit at her sisters side in her worry.


    Just a look at her was enough to confirm that she was not simply doing nothing as she had earlier stated. “It’ looks nice, Hyacinth. Your needlepoint” But she doubts that thus is what she is struggling with at the moment. Oh her sister was always so confident. She was smiling now, but she couldn’t help but want to doubt check that it was not forced. “What are you making it for? And what is on your mind?”


Tag : ~lennie1~ 

[lennie1]

"So is that your plan then? For mama to be so focused on Anthony wishing to find a bride she forgets about you?" Hyacinth inquiried, an amused twinkle in her eye and her fingers relaxed around the needle. It was not actually a horrible plan. Their mother would be overjoyed if any of her children of age got married, if they found love. Hyacinth wanted her siblings to find love, it just complicated her feelings so much when they were all so much older than herself, when they would leave so much sooner.

She scoffed. "Is that why you agreed to go to the modiste? Because you want to hear whatever gossip Madame Delacroix has managed to hear about Lady Whistledown?" Hyacinth laughed, "Mama would be horrified if she heard you focusing so much on learning more about Whistledown," she teased, and even so she could hear Violet Bridgerton scolding Eloise about focusing on things which would not attract positive attention.

Hyacinth sighed, securing the needle before putting her work to the side, a furrow in her brow as she considered her thoughts.

It was not that Hyacinth wished for her siblings to remain unmarried until she herself was old enough to marry simply so she would not be left behind. She knew how ridiculous that was without even taking into account how society would deem her sisters too old before Hyacinth reached an appropriate age to find a husband. It was not that she did not like the one brother-in-law she had obtained so far, Simon was kind and quite obviously very much in love with Daphne. Hyacinth couldn't put it into words that made sense, despite the love for her brother-in-law, the idea of losing another sister to marriage so quickly after Daphne had just left home just did not sit right with the young child.

"I miss Daphne," she confessed, "I mean, I miss her being here and if Anthony gets married then he will have a family of his own and Mama is holding out hope you will fall hopelessly in love and marry too, and you'll all marry and I will not be allowed to marry for years and you'll all move out like Daphne. It'll just be me, and Gregory, but is that not just as bad?" She breathed heavily, eyes welling with unshed tears and it seemed once she let the floodgates of her feelings open Hyacinth had been unable to hold back her concerns. She drew in a shaky breath, "I'm sorry," Hyacinth murmured, "that is very selfish of me, is it not?"

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[authorflies]

    Of course it was her plan. Eloise always had some sort of plan spinning in her head to try and prevent herself from getting too invested within the social season. If she focused too much on it, she would start to get fidgety and anxious. Hunting down Lady Whistledown, though it was something she was completely invested in, having many words and thankful expressions to share with the woman ( or at least she assumed Lady Whistledown was a woman, but that was another debate she could combat later ), was one of those things, alongside planning her novel, playing it out in her head as she listened to the swelling music around them. It was easier than facing the realities of her having to face the season in the coming year- That and the reality that their oldest sister was gone. Married. Wedded. In a completely different house, and she had been so distracted by everything else going on that she both had not gotten the chance to say goodbye or to try and convince her not to marry ( which would only be done in a joking matter - as much as she was oppose to it, she knew her sister. It was a dream of hers to be wed and their mother and father were. That did not stop the ache, though. The regret ). 

    " Anthony is long overdue to have a wife, sister. I know it, you know it, and certainly mama and Anthony know it just as well. " Words said with a smile that she does not truly feel but she continues on anyhow, feigning being unbothered and relaxed, watching her sister's work as opposed to looking in her eyes, head spinning as she thought still, processing thousands of conflicting thoughts and emotions. Focusing on others, Anthony, Whistledown, her sister now. It was easier than processing them all. " I am hoping Whistledown knows it too, hence, she will likely be talking him up in the papers and not me. Which will hopefully will limit my callers... " It was strange to her, admiring the author so but not wanting to be in her column, but it was still something she dreaded. 

    The moodiest, though, that was something that was far more certain and hence easier for her to talk about, a smirk growing on her face as she looked upwards at last. " Of course it was. And oh she most certainly will. I doubt she will find out, though. Which is why  I am telling you and only you. " It was something that she was hoping Hyacinth would take to heart, distracting her from whatever it was plaguing her mind. Scooting closer to the edge of her chair, she leaned forward, putting a hush in her voice. " You mustn't tell her or let her know. I think I am close to finding out who she is, but I need a bit more time without mama knowing. I trust you can assist? " 

    Joking and teasing fell away, though, as her sister began to open up, face falling a little, though this time her eyes did not look away, instead filling with worry, scooting closer and shaking her head at Hyacinth's words. She swallowed guilt and concern down, instead attempting to do what she had promised Daphne- Be the big sister. Take care of the youngers. Do what her older sister had excelled at and she simply... go by so it felt. 

    " I do not think that is selfish at all. " Eloise was not one to talk on selfishness, of course, often feeling like she was selfish herself for resisting marriage as she did and rejecting all of these ideals that spun in her head instead of what was expected of her. She would not change herself, of course, but that didn't stop the guilt at times. This wasn't about her though, not fully. It was about her sister's fears which she would now try to calm. " ...Sometimes I worry about all of that too. Loosing you all. And Pen. " They would all have to live in some sort of way sooner or later, but it was easy to miss childhood, when they were all together, playing, exploring, learning, before marriage even go involved. " I plan on writing to our sister weekly, if not more. You could assist me in my writing if you wish? " Her head tilted to the side, smile on growing, trying to comfort. " I miss her too. To your other point, though, I can promise you, I will try my best to not get married before you are allowed to marry." If ever. She hoped she would never have to get married, but she wasn't sure saying that now would help. " We can write her right now, if you want. Perhaps in the letter we can ask if we can visit soon? " 

Tag ~ lennie1 ~ 
Note : sorry for the delay!! BUT HI I! HAVE MISSED THEM! SO MUCH! and i hope you have been well!