A Night of New Beginnings

[Clara Honeyfield]

Clara paced in her room, knowing that if she kept going she would wear a path in the rug, but she could not settled and be still. Not knowing what would happen tonight. Her life was perfect in a sense. Married to a good and wealthy man (though the money did not mean much to her, it had added to the ease of her life now), mother to an daughter of her heart, and a family that she loved very, very much. There was only one thing missing. A child of her own. Something she wanted for everyone. For her a child to have, for Lina a sibling, and for her husband a new little child to love. And she knew he would. Yet . . . she was not sure he would ever be ready.

Not for what was to come. She knew he did not enjoy touching, and while she did not know why, she knew that this would be hard for them both. Apart of her feared that this would evidently changed the ease between them. That this could make this awkward were now there was simplicity and friendship.

It had been hard for her to knock on his office door that day, and ask to speak with him. To tell him that after being married for a while now, she was ready--when he was--for a child that would be theirs. It had taken her a few days to work up the courage to ask--not for fear of him, but knowing that would mean she was inviting him to her bed.

And that was not something she thought he wanted.

Reuben Slade

[Reuben Slade]

Tag: Clara Honeyfield
Note: Better gif coming soon!

what doesn't

KILL ME BETTER RUN

Rueben had once made a silent vow, that Clara Honeyfield would want for nothing in this world. She was one of the most important people to him, having started as a Governess for his daughter. And now . . . she was more than that. She took on the role of her mother. She took on the role of his wife. The latter, was where it became more complicated. Clara had been nothing but honest regarding her thoughts on the union, having told him beforehand that she desired children. It was something he had agreed to yet, it remained unspoken between them.

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Until earlier today. She had broached the subject once more and it was all that was on Slade's mind. He had never thought to remarry nor have more children yet as time passed and he watched Evelina grow . . . he wanted her to have a mother. And now, that mother wished for Evelina to have siblings. Clara wished to have children of her own. And for Slade . . . it was a complicated subject. When Evelina was but a newborn her life had been threatened and nearly claimed at the hands of his enemies.

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More children meant, more risk of exposure. More children meant more potential for heartbreak. Yet . . . more children, could also mean more joy. More love. More, from life. It was something Clara had wanted, something she had made clear she wanted and . . . Slade had to remain a man of his word. He had to give her that, after all she had given to Evelina. After all she had given to him. She deserved this, at the very least and . . . how could he deny her of it?

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Not going to her bedroom tonight would imply that he was unwilling to honor the agreement. For if he did not do it now, he was unsure when he ever would. Taking a deep breath, he rose from his seated position on the edge of his bed, leaning on his cane for support as he exited his room and walked towards Clara's. Determination was in each step and yet . . . there was a strange sense of, nervousness. He trusted her, emphatically.

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But such intimacy was not something he regularly engaged in, nor something that was . . . easy for him. His past traumas hindering what others may deem as simple and nonintrusive. But to him, it was damaging. But . . . he had made her a promise. He had given her his word. So by the time he reached her door -- not even fully realizing that he had -- he knew he could not back away from it now. Clenching his hand in a fist, he knocked on the door to her bedroom, bracing himself for what tonight would hold.

[Clara Honeyfield]

Clara continued her walking, glancing toward the door. She felt nervous, and curious. It was hard to imagine what would happen tonight. Impossible. It was impossible to imagine what might happen tonight, how it might change her life, or if even a choice would come from tonight.

The knock at her door caused her to freeze, and stare at the large wooden panel. Smoothing out her night gown and robe, she pulled a slow calming breath in her body, before slowly letting it out. Walking closer to the door, Clara reached for the knob and paused only a moment longer, just to make sure she was calm.

And then she opened it.

A nervous smile crossed her face as she looked up at him, and she stepped back to allow him to enter. "Good evening." Or well, night. Yet saying good night felt odd. Especially as tonight he was joining her. In her bed. To make a child for them both to love.

Reuben Slade

[Reuben Slade]

Tag: Clara Honeyfield
Note: Better gif coming soon!

what doesn't

KILL ME BETTER RUN

When Clara opened the door and stepped inside to allow him entrance, Slade paused only for the briefest of moments, before he entered her room. He knew his decision was made and that he had to be sure in it; a decision that was reached when he knocked on her door. He was not one to step backwards. Entering her room he took steps away from her, positioning him at a bit of a distance from her. His back facing her for . . . he did not allow his gaze to linger too long upon her in her robe and nightgown.

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She was after all, exquisitely beautiful. This was not in dispute. But desire to him, was different. It was not as simple as a man who desired a woman -- a wife -- and could merely act upon it. As Clara had learned from knowing him and in the first few days of their marriage. Knowing he should say something, he turned his head a little, before turning his body fully so that he could look at her, still keeping space between them.

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"Do you, possess the knowledge of how children are made?" It was no secret to those who were in his company for more than a few moments, that he was incredibly meticulous. Very, direct. Purposeful. And so, in her hope to have children . . . well, it was why he was here. He had given her his word and thus, needed to know how much she knew about the actual process. Was it explained to her before they wed? Or, was she left unaware of the creation of a life? Either way, Slade was about to find out.

[Clara Honeyfield]

He walked in, and toward the other side of the room. Clara watched him for a moment, before looking back toward the hall. No one was there, and she wondered why she would even look. It was more something to do than of need or expectation. Closing the door softly, she turned to face his back, and found her fingers coming together to twist and interlock from the nerves of the moment.

Finally he looked at her, and Clara found herself exhaling a small breath she had not known she was holding. Once again a short and nervous, or almost reassuring smile crossed her face. Meanwhile he questioned what she knew--or well, if she knew what happened. Her mother had given her a very enlightening and shocking speech the night before we wedding (assuming that she would need it for that night).

Since then, she had not sought out more information. However, she seemed to understand the basics. She assumed. She knew men were built different, and he would need to---well, she knew the physical mannerism. "I do," she reassured, and then found herself looking down with a very slight smile, then looking back up. "I mean, I understand."

For some reason, having said I do put her at ease slightly (though only momentarily) as the memory of her wedding day came to mind. The light moment faded slowly as she returned to the moment.

Reuben Slade

[Reuben Slade]

Tag: Clara Honeyfield
Note: Better gif coming soon!

what doesn't

KILL ME BETTER RUN

Slade gave a small nod when Clara explained that she knew . . . that she understood the process of children being made. That certainly saved the part of the night where Rueben would have had to explain it to her. For, this act that they were to commit . . . was one of purpose. He was well aware that some couples, allowed the passion of the moment to drive them. Allowed themselves to lose all thought and simply, act . . . feel. But such, was not the circumstance. She wished for a child. She had made this clear prior to marriage and Rueben, had given his word that he would give her that. Which, of course brought them to this moment now.

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He looked at her, as she was . . . dressed accordingly. For in his mind, he had no intentions to undress her completely. They need only do what was necessary to create a life. And yet, the process was not so easy for the crime lord. Despite his composed appearance, his mind was racing with thoughts of how this would happen . . . of what could happen, while it was happening. The triggers of his traumas not always patterned or with warning. Some things he knew to avoid, but not everything. "Then you should lie down." On the bed. For they could certainly do this . . . traditionally. He started to make his own way to it, though kept a distance so that she could move to whatever side she felt more comfortable. Though even Slade knew that comfort, was not exactly what was foremost felt in this moment.

[Clara Honeyfield]

Looking toward the bed in a short glance, and then back at her husband, she nodded. Pausing to take a slow breath, Clara reminded herself that this was not easy for either of him, but in the end there would a child they shared. Something beautiful. Something they could share, and love together. Giving him a short nod, she finally began to move.

Turning toward the bed, Clara walked to the edge that was closest to her. Pulling off her robe in slow movements, she hung it up on a small hook that was hidden in the post, and meant to be lost in the details. Then she pulled the heavy and warm blanket back to make room. She looked at him then, perhaps to seek reassurance she was doing everything right, or to assure herself he was still there in the silence that lingered. Turning her sat on the edge, and slid back, before turning to sit up and look his way once more.

The moments it took her to simply climb into bed felt longer then she knew they had to bed. Finally, she slide down slightly, and pulled her hair to the side, before laying back on the bed. There she waited to see what he would do.

Reuben Slade