Moonlight Musings

[authorflies]

    It had been awhile since she was sitting out here, not by choice because she wanted to be here, nothing to worry about save for making sure that she didn't burn her hand and that her mother or Anthony didn't catch her out here. The fact of the matter was, though, that she couldn't be, having many evenings where she would be talking to mother or Daphne when she came to visit about expectation, what she was going to be required to do whilst out around the town, when suitors visited, as though she had never heard it before. Truthfully the pair of them were relentless and she could never get away or the day's preparations had exhausted her- There had never been time until now, and it was strange how quickly her shoulders relaxed she was just by pushing herself for a moment and looking out at the sky. Being relaxed and calming her mind enough to sleep, though? That Eloise could not guarantee. She had to try though. She wanted to. 

    There was a bit of unsteadiness in her hands as she moved to light the cigarette, though she made do well enough to light it, bringing it to her lips quickly after blowing out the match and tossing it to the grass. Breathing it in, Eloise finally let her mind wander in attempts to process her thousands and thousands of fears about the event that would come tomorrow, meeting - or rather greeting considering how she had met the queen before to which... well she hoped the woman didn't recall her, and then a ball after in the evening. She had observe the proprieties of such event last season, but she was not her sister. She did not have any of the grace of last season incomparable and she had certainly made quite the name for herself when it came to her majesty, but it was perhaps the people that frightened her more than anything. The truth of the matter was that she was going to be pushed around trying to impress the men at the events, trying to catch their eyes so one could steal her away into wifehood. Really, she wasn't sure what scared her more, appearing in front of the queen before the whole ton, the ball after, or the reality that very soon she would have no choice but to become a wife. And then a mother.... all of it felt like it was happening too fast. 

    Breathing out bit of smoke, Eloise exhaled sharply, mumbling a bit of a curse at the thought and the thousands of nervous what if's that flooded her mind after. It was only hearing something crunch behind her that Eloise snapped out of her head. Once more a swear left her mouth as she lowered the burning stick slightly, turning behind her only to face Benedict, shoulders relaxing just a little bit as the softest of smiles filled her lips. "It's been awhile, hasn't it?" For a moment she looked down, pulling a second cigarette out, turning back and handing it to him. " What is keeping you from sleeping?"

~ Benedict Bridgerton ~ 
Note : Greetings I am Emotional haha but!! Hopefully this is alright and let me know if you would like me to change anything! I am so excited!

[Benedict Bridgerton]

I'm not bound by                                  

The past little while held the familiarity of the season soon upon them. With the success of Daphne's season, everyone was hopeful that Eloise would be met with the same success. Well, almost everyone. Truth was, Benedict wasn't entirely certain he was ready to say goodbye to another sister. Despite there still being seven siblings in the house, it was still not the same when one was absent. And once Eloise was off and married . . . well, Benedict would feel her lacking presence. But more importantly, it was because he wanted to make sure this was what she wanted. ◈   ◈   ◈  ◈  ◈ Benedict had managed to evade marriage for the past few years . . . for he was not ready to conform to societal expectations. To take a wife, to have children, to run a household. No. He was far too engrossed in his art, and the freedom that he felt when no longer constrained by the burdens of their position in society. So whether this was something Eloise wanted or not, had yet to be determined. Whether they could do anything about her preference . . . was also to be determined. ◈   ◈   ◈  ◈  ◈ But tonight, Benedict found it difficult to sleep. Not because he was off at an event that he would not tell his family about . . . but because he was trying to finish off an art piece, refusing to rest until it was done. But also struggling to concentrate on its completion. So he decided to go to the swings, get some fresh air and . . . it seemed that he had been met with ideal circumstance. ◈   ◈   ◈  ◈  ◈ For in the distance, he saw Eloise already sitting there. He silently approached her, unable to resist the playfulness of not making his presence known by voicing a greeting -- thus revealing it was him. Instead, he saw the way she tensed when hearing someone but relaxed when she saw it was him. The tease was too tempting and an amused smile touched his lips before he sat down in the adjacent swing, taking the offered cigarette before reaching in his pocket for a match to light it. ◈   ◈   ◈  ◈  ◈ "It has indeed," he agreed. Further proof that they were of a similar mind for both coming out here the same night. Though, he knew she may come out here on the nights he did not, and vice versa. His mind did not yet wish to accept that these nights would be far more rare -- if at all existent -- when she wed. ◈   ◈   ◈  ◈  ◈ No. Benedict was not prepared to think about such things. Lighting the match, he lit his cigarette before blowing out the flame and tossing the used match on the ground. "Dare I admit I have missed nights such as these," he told her, a tease in his words but they held truth. Upon her next question . . . well, Benedict knew that if there was anyone he could be honest with about his art, it was her. "Frustration," he admitted, bringing the cigarette to his lips to inhale before letting out the smoke, as if it would help ease his mind. ◈   ◈   ◈  ◈  ◈ "I have yet to complete a piece and am unable to focus." Unable to get it just right. To get it perfect. Taking another smoke he then turned to properly look at Eloise. "What about you?" He asked. "Does sleep elude you due to what the coming days shall bring?" The season upon her; the season where she would be presented before the ton. Tag authorflies Note: Your post was PERFECT!!! Poor El!! I absolutely lovvedd it!!!

                        the rules of society.

[authorflies]

    The mere presence of her brother was something that should it have been any of the others in the family that approached her, Eloise would have been tense in her mood like this and state out of bed, but Benedict was different. Benedict didn’t judge her. More than that, she liked to believe that Benedict understood her. The words that the second oldest Bridgerton sibling spoke only further proved this to her, taking a smoke as she looked down to the ground, then moving to hold the burning stick in her hand. It was something that she missed too. More than she could say. And she hoped that nights like this would return now instead of fading away.

     “I have as well.” The words spoken softly, almost hiding in the breeze, the noise of everything around them, not because of shame - shame or not Eloise always spoke what came to her mind, but this time her words were hushed as though if she said them too loud, everything would revert to be the opposite of what she had hoped. Eloise, though, didn’t linger in her own thoughts for all too long, instead listening to her brother’s words.

    Creative frustration was something that she understood these days far too much. The more and more she had begun to further prepare for her upcoming season, the more stress that was on her and the less words that were often lingering in her head faded. The only thing she managed to write was letters, most of which were addressed to Daphne and would be sent after she got the next response from the Duchess, but she longed to make progress in her novel, though she was just… stuck.

    “What is it that is keeping you from creating? Or rather what is that is pulling away your focus?” She tilted her head, choosing to question him further instead of answering his question. Though she often didn’t mind talking about herself, that… the upcoming season was a touchy subject.

     To anyone that knew her well, it was no surprise how upset and overwhelmed she was getting over all of this. The dress fittings. The expectations. Now, soon enough she was going to be shoved out in front of the ton and every single eligible bachelor, expected to choose a husband. Worse than that, there was going to be a bunch of eyes on her due to her sister and she had a whole family to look after which might mean giving up her dream of becoming a spinster with Penelope. For the happiness of, it have to be. At the very least she had to try. 

    Raising the cigarette to her lips for another smoke, Eloise looked away from her brother, her free hand resting on the rope of the swing before she relaxed her shoulders slightly, pretending that it brought her some peace. “I suppose that I am up for a similar reason. Frustration. Anger. Nerves…” She could go on and on, but for now she didn’t, instead finding the courage to raise her eyes to his again, hoping he couldn’t see the thousands of things that inside of her mind. "I can't seem to write anything now. I know the words will come eventually but... I suppose that isn't helping either. But yes. I think that is part of it." So much was coming starting tomorrow, so many expectations and the end result of becoming a wife... Oh how the idea terrified her more than anything.

     “It is simply too much happening to get anything done around here I feel.” The smile on her face was sympathetic, her head tilting in curiosity. “What were you working on? Perhaps sharing it will help?” And it would keep her mind from roaming into tomorrow’s events and she would give anything for that, but her brother being alright was important too, more important. At least to her.

~ Benedict Bridgerton ~ 
Note :  Thank you!!! I am! So excited for this and already Emotional. 

[Benedict Bridgerton]

I'm not bound by                                  

Benedict relaxed as he inhaled from the cigarette, letting the smoke out into the cool, fresh air. He turned his body a little so that his back was against one side of the rope of the swing; the side further from Eloise so that he could properly look at her. Her question was indeed a good one, and he was uncertain that he had the right words to say to answer it. For his thoughts seemed, unable to pinpoint what exactly was stifling his creativity. ◈   ◈   ◈  ◈  ◈ "Lack of inspiration, I suppose," he explained, or perhaps suggested. Her inquiry causing him to reflect on what it could possibly be. "Either that or just growing frustrated that I cannot seem to create a satisfactory piece," he added with half a smile. His confidence when it came to his art was . . . hardly high. There was a reason he kept his sketches from his family, from most others. Eloise was perhaps the only one who truly had seen them and even then, it had not been by choice. She had stumbled upon them. Never the less, he found himself . . . relieved and glad for it; that he had someone he could talk to about it. Someone who also understood the need for creative expression, only she did so in a different form: through her writing. ◈   ◈   ◈  ◈  ◈ He then listened to her explain the emotions that seemed to be troubling her as well. As much as he teased his dear sister, he of course did not like hearing her feeling such things. He did not like her feeling any sort of emotions that would trouble her. His half smile remained, though did not hold quite the joviality it may usually. Thoughtfully, taking another inhalation of his cigarette, he let her words linger in the air before she continued. "That I can understand," he agreed when she spoke of too much happening. He had been avoiding the entire marriage prospect for some time, but his sisters did not have the luxury that he and his brothers did. Women could not afford to push aside the notion of marriage with as much ease. ◈   ◈   ◈  ◈  ◈ "Tell me, what troubles you the most?" He asked. She had such an array of emotions, and he wanted to know what he could do to help -- if anything. He did not want to presume, but he wanted to be here to support his sister. "You know you can share freely with me," he encouraged her, his voice less teasing and more holding the support that he wished to offer her. The underlying concern he felt for her in her troubled state. "Well, not too freely." This time there was a tease in his voice, meant only as a joke -- somewhat. There were certain subject he would be unable to discuss with her . . . his mind returning to the time she had asked him and his brother about how one grew with child. ◈   ◈   ◈  ◈  ◈ When she asked him what he was working on, his gaze dropped in contemplation, trying to even think what it was he wanted to practice. It felt both odd and natural to speak to her about these things, so he knew there was no need to reserve his answers. "I am working to draw the human form," he explained to her. "I cannot seem to correct my lines, nor the proportions to a satisfactory level." As if to further calm himself from the frustrations, he drew another breath from his smoke, slowly exhaling. "Your turn," he told her with a bit of a smile, wondering what she was working on -- or trying to work on -- in her writings. Tag authorflies

                        the rules of society.