morbid relief

[Deleted]

kitty & benedict.

"He's dead."

Two simple words, yet they continued the weight of so, so much. Her head was absolutely spinning, full of so much uncertainty, some part of her almost refusing to believe it was real. It was a relief in so many ways: a relief for her, a relief for the children, a relief for them. The girls wouldn't miss him, they'd never even known him, likely wouldn't even ask what had happened...but she didn't have to dread the times he came home again, didn't have to sneak around with Benedict anymore. Perhaps it seemed awful, the relief she was feeling, but Alexander Langham had never been a good man. 

It wasn't as if she'd dreamed of this moment, nor hoped for it, but a part of her had always known he might be killed in battle one day, just as her father had been. He'd taken on his role as general, and a position of power in the battlefield was always a dangerous one. On some level, perhaps they'd both hoped for this, but she couldn't say as such.

It was telling, however, that there were no tears. There was only shock, likely made evident by the fact the words had immediately slipped passed her lips the second Benedict had opened the door. She'd gone to him the second she'd found out, not expecting anything, not hoping for anything...simply wanting to share the news. The death of one's husband was likely supposed to be a somber, painful occasion – in a horrible way, however, this particular death may have been a blessing.

tag: Benedict Bridgerton

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[Benedict Bridgerton]

Tag: @kitty

i' m    n o t    b o u n d    b y 

THE RULES OF SOCIETY

Happiness was an emotion that Benedict thought his life would be void of forever. How could it not be, when he had played with fire and fell in love with a married woman. Despite his commitment to her by his heart, legally, there could be nothing between them. Legally, she was the wife of General Langham, and it burned Benedict in ways he had not even thought imaginable. When he was away, Benedict and Kitty could steal what moments that could. Finding solace and peace in each other's arms -- all to aware that it could not lost forever. But the worst . . . the worst was when he was here.

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Benedict never thought himself a jealous man. After all, the irony and lack of sound reason to be jealous of a married woman being with her husband was not lost on him. But . . . he knew she was not happy. And he loathed to think what the General did to her to make her such. The thought of him causing her distress, or taking her for granted. The thought of them sharing a bed and . . . Benedict shuddered at the thought. He despised it and knew he had no right to feel this way. But he could not control his heart which had seemed to dictate his actions of repeatedly going to her. Until she told him he could not.

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A knock on the door was a welcome distraction, however fleeting it would be. When he opened it however, he froze. Words of revelation immediately upon her lips. "He's dead." Death was presumably a tragic occurrence. It was often accompanied by tears, sadness, pain. But Benedict felt none of that upon hearing this news. He would never forgive himself for how cruel of a man he had become to feel . . . relief and hope. It was selfish. It was horrid of him, truly. But once again, he could not control the emotions of his heart and . . . he knew it was a dangerous hope to hold.

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Belatedly realizing he was just standing there in surprise, he quickly moved to the side so that she could enter. The last thing they needed was someone seeing her outside his door. Benedict looked at her, trying to assess the situation with a clearer mind. She was not crying. Should that give him some ease? Perhaps it should. "What happened?" He asked quietly. He wanted to hug her. Kiss her. Hold her. Tell her everything would be ok . . . but he knew full well that first he needed to listen. She had told them this had to end because of her husband. He would respect that until . . . until he was too weak. And with each passing second, he felt his strength diminish bit by bit.

[Deleted]

kitty & benedict.

As the wife of a General, she'd always known this was a possibility, especially after losing her father. She'd never been particularly worried about it, however, awful as that might sound. She wouldn't miss him, and while she was hardly going to throw a party now he was gone, she felt nothing but relief. She wouldn't be forced to suffer through his company when he came into town, wouldn't be forced to try and convince him to meet their children, wouldn't have to get into bed with him hoping to sire an heir ever again. Instead, she had Benedict. At least – she hoped she did.

It hadn't been that long since she'd last seen him, but she'd pulled back a little, fearful of what might occur were her husband to find out about them. More than that, if anyone were to find out the child was Benedict's. Now – well, did it truly matter? People would probably assume the baby to be her late husband's, and that was fine. That didn't matter. What mattered was ensuring Benedict knew – and allowing him to decide what happened next. He didn't necessarily have to accept her in his life as anything more than what they'd been before...but it didn't have to be a dirty little secret anymore. There was nobody to be afraid of anymore.

Still blinking back her shock, Kitty stepped inside, her gaze finally settling on his face. She couldn't quite read his expression, but perhaps he couldn't read hers either. It wasn't an easy situation to stomach. "I don't know, not entirely. He was out at sea – something happened. I wasn't given the details. But he's gone. He's – truly gone. I don't know if it's too late for us, I don't know if you have decided that this isn't worth the risk – but there's nothing stopping us now."

tag: Benedict Bridgerton

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