model student

[Benedict Bridgerton]

Tag: Tessa Follett

i' m    n o t    b o u n d    b y 

THE RULES OF SOCIETY

Benedict felt like an utter failure. As soon as it was known by a fellow art student that his position at the Royal Academy had been paid for, and not secured through his own talents, Benedict had quickly excused himself from the room. He felt, utterly disappointed. He thought he had earned his place here through his talent. But instead, it had nothing to do with his skills and everything to do with how much coin a family could put in the hands of those who made these decisions.

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Benedict loathed this; using his privilege and secure a position. He had already been so unsure about his capabilities and this . . . seemed to solidify it. That he was not good enough. That perhaps, he would never be good enough.He had certainly grown as an artist under the tutelage of the Academy but he didn't deserve to be here. What if he had taken the position of someone more deserving . . . someone more talented. Had he gained it through his own skill, he would not be thinking such things but now . . . he could not help it. Now, all his self doubt and insecurities came rushing back into his mind and hindering his progress.

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It brought him to this position, looking out the window and the darkened streets for the hour was late. He'd gone to his vacant room where he could be left alone with his thoughts, and make the decision. The decision . . . as to whether he should withdraw from the academy. If he did not deserve to be here, then why should he remain? It was a question that tormented him because selfishly, he wanted to stay. He knew he could continue to excel, continue to learn and hone in on his skills.

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But . . . his conscience could not accept it. If he was to succeed as an artist, he wished to do it through recognition of his skill. Not with his brother paying them off. Light approaching footsteps distracted from such thoughts. He half turned his head to see a familiar figure, before he returned his gaze back to looking at nothing in particular through the window. Tessa. A talented woman and one that he found himself . . . developing a strong affection for. However, he was embarrassed. Despite her inability to join the Academy, even she deserved to be here more than he did. How harshly all must judge him for being the privileged Bridgerton son, paying his way through success and . . . they had every right to do so: the judge the man who came with money.

[Tessa Follett]

The Royal Academy was a large place. A large building with largely empty hallways that allowed even the soft pitter patter of the feet of mice to echo, albeit softly. Tessa moved about the corridors with a sense of purpose. She had a mission she was set on and she wouldn't stop her movements until she came to the end of it. It didn't take her long, surprisingly, to find just that -- the end to her searching. Perhaps because she knew that this room held what she searched for, or perhaps she just had good luck. Regardless, her eyes peered into the darkened room and saw his figure standing in the pale light of whatever moon was out. She paused in the doorway, a hand placed gently on the frame, seeing just the tiniest hint of the whites of his eyes with his fleeting glance before they turned back, and the forlorn air hit her square in the chest.

She paused only a moment more to let him have one more solitary moment of woe before she moved into the room. Again with purpose, her rather simple gown flowing so slightly behind her with her speed. She had heard along the grapevine about his place in the academy and knew as she heard the talking that he'd be off on his own. Tessa had just had this nagging feeling as she'd stand still in those classes, hearing the whisperings between the students, that Ben too would find out and would need a shoulder, even if he thought he didn't. So she appeared in a moment of need, to just slide up next to him and stand in silence, her hands clasped in front of her and her eyes set forward out the window. For a brief moment she'd do as he did, gently turn her head just enough to set her gaze on him, and then turn it back. She'd slip her hand up to rest it on his arm, as if he still needed to know that she was here, for him, if he needed the company.

[Benedict Bridgerton]

Tag: Tessa Follett

i' m    n o t    b o u n d    b y 

THE RULES OF SOCIETY

Benedict felt the instant comfort of her warm touch. A feeling he had not even realized just how much he needed until experienced. There was something rather comforting about her presence, about him being her, about her mere presence. He was not one who warranted a great deal of attention. He was the second son and his position was of no consequence among his family. He had simply grown used to fading into the background of it all . . . so drawing attention in this way, caused the already existing pangs of guilt to intensify within him.

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He forced a smile, though it lacked joviality as he slightly turned his head to look at her. His large hand moved to rest on top of hers, engulfing it, as if to keep it in place against his arm. Silently, welcoming and prolonging her touch. "I do not belong here." His words softly spoken. They were not ones seeking pity or sympathy to convince him otherwise. He said them, for they were simple fact. He truly, should not be here.

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"I truly did not know." Wanting her to know that. That he had not known his position here was granted through payment. She would have every right to judge him for it . . . but he wanted her -- especially her -- to know that he had not come here with that knowledge. It made a difference to Benedict for Tessa to be aware of this, because he cared about her. She may have well already known but . . . Benedict desired to be truthful with her. She deserved that, at the very least.

[Tessa Follett]

Just as soon as she felt the ease of the burden's Benedict was carrying as he stood here, she felt them intesify all over again. It hurt her, indeed, that he felt something so sad so ferociously that a brief moment of peace could cause such a lapse.

Tessa felt his hand move then and be placed on her own. She knew all along that of course his hands would be larger than her own but it was still a bewildering fact, nonetheless. The warmth made her smile slightly, before it faded to a pensive expression as he spoke those few words. She could hear in the way he articulated it so clearly, that he was not seeking her pity. He did not say them to provoke a long winded 'you belong here' speech that so many would probably launch themselves into, though she did want it. It was not for lack of wanting that she kept silent still in that moment. He spoke again, so sweet and so despondent, and she could feel her heart weep. In the next breath she could merely shake her head to piece together her thoughts and her words.

"I do not agree." She started with, soft and just barely audible to bring a tenderness to the night. Tessa waited, she wanted her words to sink in, to find a way into his mind and into his feelings. She turned to face him then, moving her hand only enough that it still be placed upon him affectionately, to let him know she was here to support him, as if he didn't already know. "I believe you, Ben." She spoke, nodding just so slightly. "What I don't believe, is you not belonging here." Simple as that. Regardless of the how, his talents and abilities were proof enough that he deserved a place in the Royal Academy. "You are a talented artist and a delightful person." Tessa spoke again, and she couldn't help but put a tiny little grin on her face as lifted her head up to see more fully into his face, into his eyes. "And how would I prove my artistic mettle against you without you here to keep me afloat?" Soft, affectionate, in jest, and yet truthful. She did not want to be a driving force behind keeping him where he did not want to be, but she didn't feel as though he had it set he wanted to leave, only that he felt he had to.

[Benedict Bridgerton]

Tag: Tessa Follett

i' m    n o t    b o u n d    b y 

THE RULES OF SOCIETY

Benedict's gaze met hers as she turned to face him, their hands still touching. He remained silent, taking in her words, his smile turning into a soft one . . . more authentic than the formerly forced one. It was rather easy to do so; to smile in her company. Her words . . . touched his very heart. The casual exchange of names a welcome sound. For, she still saw him as Ben. Not Mister Bridgerton or anything that would remind them of titles. She saw him as Ben -- Benedict -- and for that, he was quite relieved. Then of course came her words of belief. Believing in him, in his talents. Was it selfish of him to accept this praise? Should he not be convincing her that he was so undeserving of these compliments.

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Yet . . . he believed her when she said them. More than he believed in himself. Another welcome relief, that she had always spoken to him with sincerity. Telling him the truth rather than what a nobleman wished to hear. Her praise of not only his talents, but his character. It meant more to him than he was ever sure he could adequately express. This was the one place he believed title could be removed from him . . . and Tessa was a reminder of that. At least between the two of them. "Thank you," he expressed in a low voice but thick with genuine gratitude. "For your words." They were touching, honoring really. He wished he could simply accept them and return to the way it had once been. But he feared this revelation made by accident . . . would change the course of his path within the Royal Academy.

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Taking her hand to hold in his, he raised it to his lips and gently kissed the back of her hand. Letting it linger for a moment, before he simply held it, intertwining his fingers between hers. "But I feel you are far more deserving of a place here." A continued smile on his lips, and continued honesty in his words. She had told him why she could not have a position but . . . it was truly unfair. For she would have easily earned it considering her talents.

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"Your company, Tessa --" The need to say her first name so important to him in this moment. Echoing her own use of his and continuously reminding him that perhaps, things had not changed between them. "Feels to be the most authentic part of my entire attendance here." She was special indeed. "You are quite the inspiration," he added on, a slight playfulness in his voice but as all his words before, he truly meant it. "And I . . . " He paused, not even certain what he was trying to say. "I cherish the moments we spend together." Was it too bold of an admittance? Perhaps. But he could not help it. Should he leave, he needed her to know that he valued her. Immensely.

[Tessa Follett]

She saw his smile change to become more genuine and she again felt the easing of the guilt and the burdens, but not so much another relapse back into that dark abyss he cast himself into. They were not out of the woods yet, but they at least had found themselves in the safety of a clearing. There was silence between them for a short time that still felt comfortable, interrupted by his thank you but it was still so soft and intimate that she just felt warm. She always did, but even in the academy during the night when there was usually a chill, she felt the warmth of the company she kept. And she always just felt so content and happy in his presence. There was just something so warm and inviting when she thought of him. Intoxicating even.

Just as soon as the thought went fleeting by, Benedict took her hand and kissed the back of it and she felt her heart flutter. To think, a man could bring her to her knees without even trying when her entire being was based on being better. But perhaps, it was because Ben was not like the others. He was not perpetuating the stereotype of men were better. And he didn't make her feel uncomfortable, he praised her and lifted her up. Case in point, when he said she deserved a place here more than he, and she smiled. She may not agree to him not being here but the comment made her feel appreciated and seen for who she was and not what others thought she should be. Accepted. "You really know what to say to make a girl swoon." She jested playfully.

What he said next really did 'take her breath away'. She knew that she had told herself, that she did not want to force someone to stay if they truly wished to leave. She did not want to plead, or beg, or put someone in a position like that. But the more time they stood there in the quiet, the softness, the warmth, the more she felt like she could actually shed tears should he really leave. Tessa could feel a tear well in the corner of her eye but she blinked it away and turned her head to regain control of her resolve. She didn't want anyone to guilt her into doing something she did not want to do, for any reason, so why should she be a hypocrit now?

"I adore you, you know." She stated simply, chuckling lightly while her face was turned down, her eyes closed lightly, and her head shaking just slightly. She leaned forward so that her forehead could press against him. The most real statement she could muster, without bursting.

Benedict Bridgerton

[Benedict Bridgerton]

Tag: Tessa Follett

i' m    n o t    b o u n d    b y 

THE RULES OF SOCIETY

A fleeting wave of amusement washed over him for the briefest of moments as she told him that he knew what to say to make a girl swoon. His intention may not be that, but it of course, was enjoyable to hear that he had made her feel as such. Benedict spoke from the heart and wanted her to know that any praise, any flattery or compliment was deserved. And not said merely to gain her affections. Though that of course did not hurt, but it was not the intention of his words.

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He wanted her to believe him, to feel what he said and the sincerity of them. All too often did the ton carry such facades; wearing masks so to conceal their true selves and become what they believed society deemed so. Become what was socially acceptable. It was why Benedict rather like it here -- with her. For it was in these environments, he could truly be himself. Yet that all was threatened by this reminder that even in a place such as this, he was a nobleman . . . not Benedict. Thankfully, Tessa made him feel like the man and not the title that he wore.

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He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling her slight tremble, her words once again touching him to the very core of his heart. What an honor it was, to gain the affections and care of such an incredible woman. "And I you," he practically whispered. Tilting his head downwards, he placed a soft kiss on her forehead, letting his lips remain there to take in her taste. Her scent. All comforts that he would miss should he leave this place . . . or rather, when he left this place.

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"My privilege is not that of nobility, but rather, having gained your affections and the honor of your company in this time passed." Because that was where he felt the true honor and ease. Not in coin, but in being with her. Surely, any man would feel such a way for to him . . . status did not matter. She was wonderful the way that she was and he would not change it. Though, once the reality of their lives returned . . . the safe haven he had found with her would be threatened. The rank between them a barrier. But for now, for just a little while longer, he wanted to remain in this escape he had found with her.

[Tessa Follett]

Tessa knew that their friendship, their affections, would only be fleeting, because even though here in within these walls they were just Tessa and Benedict, out there where it was real life they were 'Academy Model' and nobleman. And perhaps she shouldn't have afforded herself the luxury to find such bliss in his presence. To be wholly herself, joking around, flirting, competing, with this man who saw her naked and printed it up on a canvas. She couldn't help herself really. He had been utterly adorable that very first look and she was drawn to him. And so she relished every moment they got, to exchange ideas, to confide in one another, to savor the silence and the moments like these. He treated her as an equal and not a lesser being because she had not been lucky enough to be born into a seat of luxury.

When he whispered the same sentiments she just sighed in contentment. She truly cherished him and the connection they had created here. She could not find it anywhere else. The pressures of the outside world for her to find a husband was non-existent here where she could create a real kinship with someone without the existential dread of forever (though would she mind it after all this time? No, but she knew better!).

Tessa also knew better that he would leave the academy behind, and most likely these moments. Not for lack of desire, but because these things were not acceptable in his world compared to hers. She felt badly for that, that he wasn't allowed the same freedoms, that he had the ever present watchful eye of the 'Ton at his backside with every move he'd make. She heard him speak of how his privilege truly was knowing her. Tessa couldn't help but smile, genuinely, though she felt an ache deep in her chest. "Stay with me," She spoke softly, trying to hide any sort of emotion her brain was trying to have her show, "for as long as we have left." She didn't want to speak that last sentence, but she couldn't kid herself. When he walked out of these doors for the last time, that was going to be it for this little fairytale kinship they built. It would be time to move on, into the roles society wanted for the both of them, with only the memories to share.

Benedict Bridgerton